Finding my Ikigai

In July 2020, in the midst of a pandemic, I was gifted a book on the Japanese concept of Ikigai (生き甲斐). This translates basically into “a reason for being”. It is the intersection between what you love doing, what you are good at, something the world needs, and also, that it pays the bills. Disclaimer: Read this post as a ‘figure out as you go’ story and not a success story.

I have always had a dramatic flair about me, and found my passion in acting on stage. I have trained in Bharatanatyam for 7 years and had always been into dancing since I was a kid. Bharatanatyam is an Indian classical dance form, which has roots that are equal parts dance and drama. In fact, my dance guru was the one who had encouraged me to follow dramatics as she had said that I was better at emoting the scene (Abhinaya) during the dance, over the movements (Nritta).

Dance was something I love/d to do and had considered my passion, but not ever been ‘excelling’ at. Excelling here, was with respect to the other dancers in the academy. As cheesy as it sounds, although dance was my first love, I outgrew it for sure. I dived into acting headfirst in college and secured a lot of great roles on stage. I became one of the most active members of the society, and even after graduating, continued working on my craft. During the pandemic, I performed in a few audio plays with professional theatre companies. During this time, I got really motivated and started applying to a lot of drama schools. I got a few acceptances, but was left with a daunting question, would I ever be able to have a stable source of income?

With a reference to my first blog post, working in a “woke” media/content company was something I had always dreamt to do. It was just something I had never figured out ‘how’ to do. So, in the same university, I got in, there was a Media course of a year that really interested me. The constant fear of not having an income slowly started getting answered. Turns out, spending tens of thousands of dollars on a drama school, is a privilege only available to a few. Especially if, you are planning on that being your only investment. Because, the truth was, acting fulfils mentally but not financially. It could result in something great, but there is an ever-looming possibility of it never working out.

This however doesn’t mean I am letting go of my passion. I will always pursue acting alongside my job, just that this time something is different. The job that I would choose to have, would not be something I didn’t like. In fact, as an engineer, I am neither proficient nor motivated in this field despite graduating in the field. So, I started by helping my sister’s business in curating social media posts for the Instagram page. This boosted my will to start applying in the ‘Media and Communications’ field. I had already been creating ‘content’ for my Instagram page for two years before this. Although I do regret doing Engineering as an undergraduate degree, I would not have discovered myself through and throughout without it.

Circling down to the field of digital media has put me at some ease and answered a few of the questions (mostly financially) that were hovering over my head. But, is it really my Ikigai? For starters, I have professionally not completely indulged in it, and second, is it something the world needs? The daunting question is philosophical, yet important. Here, how I could incorporate it, is working in an inclusive, feminist organization that would have a strong social media presence. I can go so far as to say that typing this blog out, helped me reach a level into the process of discovering my Ikigai and purpose. Now, life is not fair enough for a person to find all of the things they would dream of in a job, but this pursuit can lead to clarity. Another observation is that my mental health has been improving with each step of clarity in this journey.

Only when I delve into the media industry completely for a few years, would I figure out if it is truly fulfilling for me. The anxiety over this has been real. But, figuring ourselves out is exactly what our 20s are for, isn’t it? At the time of reading the book, I hadn’t thought the concept would be of any importance to me. Honestly, I found it too philosophical. But, now I realize, it is one of the most important aspects in the pursuit of happiness for us and even the people around us.